Table Manners Please
by Kame-tan
Summary: Allen and Kanda learn a little bit about cross-cultural table manners...


Kame: Came to me in the middle of the night. 3 o clcok must be a magical hour for writing fics. Just to let you know, I exaggerated this...quite a bit.

Table Manners, Please

_**During dinner….**_

_Slurp, Slurp_

What was that noise? A white haired exorcist looked around for the source of the irritating noise.

_Slurp, Slurp_

There it was again! Was something leaking from his bowl? He checked his food. Nope, it wasn't him; he didn't have any liquids now.

_Slurp_

He turned to the red haired exorcist sitting next to him, but he was eating a hamburger. No weird noises from that.

_Slurp, Slurp_

He looked around again, confused. He saw a long, black haired exorcist eating soba.

_Slurp_

_Is that noise coming from Kanda?! _He thought in utter bewilderment. The noise was…

_Slurp, Slurp_

So un-Kanda-ish, but most importantly…

_Slurp, Slurp, Slurp_

…_SO DAMN ANNOYING!_

" BaKanda," Allen said in a deadpan voice, "It's impolite to slurp. No one wants to hear you drink your noodles."

"Shut it, Moyashi. I'm trying to enjoy my meal." The long haired exorcist named Kanda replied. _Slurp, Slurp_

"And I'm trying to enjoy _my_ meal, but that stupid slurping noise is annoying me." Allen said calmly through gritted teeth.

"Who cares about your meal? You swallow all the damn food anyway." Kanda replied coldly.

"Geeze, BaKanda, why do you have to be such a rude and inconsiderate jerk?" Allen snapped.

"And why do you have to be such a weak, worthless Moyashi?" Kanda growled.

"Well, maybe you can't remember proper manners, BaKanda, since you can't remember a simple five letter _name!_" Allen shouted.

"Um, Allen?" Lavi tried to intervene while the two exorcists were glaring at each other.

"What, Lavi?" Allen snapped, still glaring at the Japanese exorcist.

"Well, what I wanted to tell you…"

_Slurp, Slurp, Slurp, Slurp _Kanda resumed.

"…is that in Japan…"

_Slurp, Slurp, Slurp, Slurp, Slurp, Slurp_ Kanda increased the speed, length and loudness of each slurp each time, watching the vein tick in the British exorcist's temple.

"…it's polite to slurp." Lavi finished.

_Sluuuuuuuuuuuuurp _Kanda finished at the same time Lavi finished his statement. Allen didn't hear what the Bookman-in-training said; he was too busy scheming a way to get Kanda back for disrupting his meal with his stupid slurping. Suddenly, his scowl vanished into a pleasant smile.

"Uh oh" Lavi muttered; the only time he saw that smile on Allen was when he played poker on the train for Krory.

_**Breakfast the next day…**_

Allen and Lavi ate breakfast in the cafeteria earlier than usual; Komui wanted to see both of them after breakfast about a mission in Sweden. Allen was halfway through his food pile when Kanda, fresh from his morning meditation, entered. Upon seeing his 'foe', Allen started to eat his food with speed that was unusual even for him. By the time Kanda had ordered his usual soba and sat down, Allen was almost done with his food.

_Slurp, Slurp, Slurp_ It started again. Allen sat and patted his stomach, ignoring the noisy soba-eater.

_Slurp, Slurp, Slurp _Allen tried to not grit his teeth…_any minute now…_

Allen suddenly sat back and belched loud enough for Kanda to hear him, but quiet enough to not disrupt the others in their meal. He covered his mouth, of course, because it would have defeated the point he was trying to make. Kanda froze midway through another slurp, slightly stunned that the damn Moyashi would do something as disgusting and crass as belching in the middle of a meal.

"Excuse me." Allen said lightly before he continued. A few minutes later, he sat back and did the same thing. Once again, he smiled and said excuse me. Lavi continued to watch Allen with mild amusement while Kanda shot him filthy looks for disturbing his peaceful meal and morning.

"Oi, Moyashi, what the hell are you doing?!" Kanda snarled, repulsed by yet another burp.

"Why, I'm just enjoying my breakfast BaKanda."

"Stop making that disgusting noise. Or at least get out so I can eat."

"You see, BaKanda, there's nothing wrong with burping at the table as long as you do it in a discreet manner, cover your mouth and say excuse me afterwards." Allen replied, a cold smile on his face.

"It doesn't make it anymore disgusting, Baka Moyashi." Kanda growled, glaring at Allen.

Lavi sighed. _These two are so similar, it's no wonder they bump heads so often. _He didn't fell like trying to tell Allen that burping at the table in Japan in any form was rude. _Then again, maybe this was his plan in the first place…_

Allen grabbed his last skewer of dango off the plate and finished it in no time. "Well, BaKanda, I would love to sit here and finish this lovely discussion on how much of a rude ass you are, but Lavi and I need to go, so have a nice breakfast." Allen said, before burping again.

This time, Kanda lost it. Or rather, he lost his appetite. And that made him lose his temper.

_SPLAT!_

A stunned yet pissed Allen stood covered in soba. A dangerously angry and pissed Kanda stood, his black eyes narrowed in 'killing mode'. A surprised yet smart Lavi began slowly backing away from the two exorcists, trying to prevent his ribs from cracking due to the excessive laughter he was trying to hold in. After all, he wanted to live.

"_DAMN MOYASHI, FUCKING UP MY BREAKFAST, APPETITE AND MORNING!" _Kanda snarled in ferocity.

"_DAMN BAKANDA, FUCKING UP MY DINNER AND NIGHT!" _Allen roared back.

Lavi managed to escape the cafeteria before he ended up injured. _Guess I'll tell Komui to give Allen a minute _he chuckled. _Well, I can't be bored around those two _Lavi thought happily as all hell broke loose.

Kame: lol, this is so wrong….but how wrong is it? You have to tell me in a revi~ew!


End file.
